So I accomplished one of my goals for April - I went for two whole weeks on a no-carb diet. Decent accomplishment. I didn't cheat the whole time I was on it, and I was proud of that. Yesterday I was feeling pretty good about the diet and the past two weeks (April 16 was day 14 of the diet), that is until I stepped on the scale.
I did not lose one. single. pound. WHAT?! Two entire weeks of no bread, no pasta, no sweets, no milk/cream/sugar in my coffee, no starches of any kind (including carrots and corn) - I was expecting at least a few pounds to be shed. But instead, I had a very painful weigh-in, rather than one that included a tiny celebration, and a plan to move on to "phase two" of the diet.
At first, I was disappointed, but OK. Jeff and I were so busy loading our bikes on the car and gathering up the rest of our biking gear, that I didn't think about it much. But after a 20 minute car ride down to Wakulla, full of my thoughts running wild, I started to get very upset about it. In fact, by the time we parked at the St. Mark's Trail, I was right on the verge of a big ole' meltdown.
It's so depressing, discouraging, frustrating and confusing not seeing any results whatsoever after working on it for two full weeks. It made me lose motivation to keep trying so hard. What's the point of not indulging in some pasta or cake every now and then, if resisting these things returns zero results? It just made me feel crappy. It made me feel like a failure. It made me break down and cry. And unfortunately for me, I'm not talking about a cute, girly cry that comes and goes quickly. I'm talking about a snotty, heaving cry that turns my face splotchy and then I have to blow my nose about 10 times before I can breathe normally again...it's not a pretty sight.
The whole rest of the night I was just in an icky mood. Nothing really made me feel better or lifted my spirits. I threw the last meal of my no-carb diet out the window last night when we indulged in pizza, and I proceeded to eat three pieces. Probably not the best idea when I'm complaining about not being able to lose weight, but I didn't care. And today hasn't proven itself to be any better. I'm still in a crappy mood (despite my brightly colored new dress and pretty earrings), and I shed a few tears again today during lunch.
After work today, I'm going to go to zumba like usual, and I'm hoping that maybe some exercise endorphins will boost my mood a bit. For now though, I'm trying to make it through the next three hours of work (without crying again), and then after zumba I probably just need some rest and a night to relax and pull myself back together.
I know I'll never be a tiny little girl that weighs anywhere near 130, or maybe even 140. But I would like to at least be able to shed some weight and be more comfortable with my body. Somehow, I'll find a way to accomplish this. But for now, I just need to have a little pity party, probably eat a piece of cake tonight, and then start myself on this journey again with a new plan. (Prayers will be much appreciated.)
Love to you all, and thanks for letting me vent and whine a little bit.