Most of you probably don't know, because I haven't talked about it in over six months now, but had two jobs for a very long time. One was with the State of Florida, and one was with my church. Here's the super vague, 'Reader's Digest' version of the story...
I had been working with the youth group since I graduated high school in 2006 whenever I could during college. Then when I graduated and moved back in 2010, I worked with them as much as possible, and was even brought on as a paid staff member. Then the youth pastor resigned and I ended up doing it all by myself for about a year and a half. (And now here's where we get even more vague...) Then in December 2012, I found out that as of January, I would no longer be on staff, and instead they were hiring someone else to be the full-time youth pastor.
I was heart-broken. I literally cried about this for weeks, probably a full month, because I was so sad about it. I had wanted to be the full-time youth pastor, but I was told we didn't have the money. And now they were kicking me out to bring someone else in. I had been working with our youth group for seven years, and now this happened. It was devastating. The group of kids that were seniors, were the same group that were just in 6th grade my very first year of volunteering. I had been with them all through middle and high school, and now I wouldn't be a part of it for their final semester. Yes, I could still be a part of their lives, but I wouldn't be a part of their youth group.
So now the reason I'm finally talking about what happened this week, is because my youth group is on our annual mission trip to Miami to work with the kids at Touching Miami with Love, and I'm struggling so much with not being there. This is the first year since 2006 that I haven't gone, and I hardly know what to do with myself. I log onto Facebook, and see pictures posted of them with the kids down there, and I miss them all so much. I miss my youth, and I miss the kids from Miami. And I miss just being a part of the youth group as a whole.
|All pictures from last year's TML trip, in June 2012.|
There's really no moral to this post or lesson I've learned or anything like that, I just needed to write down how I'm feeling, and get it off my chest a little bit. I think this whole week will be rough still since I can't be down there and be a part of it. I'll see more pictures, and read status updates, and continue to miss everyone and everything so much. I know I'll be OK, I know that. But it still just sucks so bad sometimes, ya know?
|Last year's TML group, on field trip day.|
I know God has a reason for everything He does, so I know there's a reason I wasn't mean to be there this week, or even meant to still be on staff on church. I get that. But that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with all the time. I know this is God's plan, but it still makes me sad. I still wish I was down there with them. I wish I was singing those silly songs over and over again, and constantly having to tell kids and youth alike to stop acting like crazy people. I still wish that I was playing Ultimate Frisbee with them before dinner, and then card games and 4-men-on-a-couch for hours on end before bed time. Those times from the past meant a lot to me, and it's when I formed some great relationships with some of these youth. I know they're all having a blast and loving their week so far, but I sure do wish I was there with them.